March 25, 2005

We all need a friend like this

My best friend sees the good in all things. Once when I was depressed because I was gaining weight, she said, “That’s good, it means you don’t have cancer.”

She would know because she’s a nurse practitioner.

Having Leslie as a friend is like having a cheerleader, a child psychologist and a personal support system rolled into one.

“Desperate Housewives” have nothing on us. Whether it’s two minutes, two hours or two days we have together, our visits are always therapeutic. I’m able to find humor in the chaos of motherhood, and she’s able to find hope in even the most dismal of situations.

She has redefined optimism to the point that her picture may soon be featured next to the word in the dictionary. If we were the Beatles, she’d be McCartney and I’d be Lennon.

This story exemplifies her sunny side perfectly.

We had just purchased pumpkins for our kids to carve and decorate. While leaving the pumpkin patch we both had our arms completely full of pumpkins.

A handsome young man in his 20s appeared out of nowhere and said, “Let me help you with those pumpkins Ma’am.”

I was flattered and thanked him.

“Happy to help. A woman in your condition shouldn’t have to carry all those pumpkins,” he said.
“What condition?” I asked.

“You are pregnant aren’t you?” he asked.

“No, but thank you so much for asking,” I said.

Now, an incident of this nature is a woman’s worst nightmare. As embarrassed as that young man must have been, it was nothing compared to the embarrassment I felt having been mistaken for a pregnant woman.

Immediately following this incident Leslie and I got into our respective cars and headed home. It wasn’t two minutes later that my cell phone rang and I thought to myself, “That’ll be Leslie calling to tell me why this was a good thing.”
Sure enough, it was her and she had found the sunny side of my nightmare.

“Dona, I was just thinking about what happened at the pumpkin patch and it’s actually a compliment that he thought you were pregnant,” Leslie said. “He obviously thinks you’re still young enough to ovulate.”

For a 40-something-year-old mother who’s always been sensitive about her weight, it was never clearer how important it was to have an optimist for a best friend.

I am certain she would find a sunny side in hell. I can hear her now, “You know Satan, this place is a bit warm, but with a fan and a little ventilation it’ll be okay.”

It’s amazing we’re friends at all considering my first impression of Leslie six years ago.

Our kids were rehearsing for the children’s Christmas pageant and I spotted this well coiffed, perfectly poised Stepford mom sitting all alone.

I thought to myself,“I don’t know who she is, but I’d better go over and talk to her because surely anyone that thin and that beautiful will be hated by every woman in this church.”

It took me all of about three minutes to realize that Leslie and I were destined to be best friends.

By Dona Nichols

Dona Nichols teaches journalism at San Jose State University and Evergreen Valley College and does stand-up comedy on the side at the Improv in downtown San Jose. She lives in Evergreen with her husband and three children.