July 15, 2005

My camping trip from hell

By Dona Nichols
Times Columnist

Nothing says summer like the whirring sound of a blender with margaritas in it. I was reminded of this the other day when my neighbor, Angela, came over to borrow a cup of tequila.

Summers are a magical time, especially for kids, because this is when some of their best memories are made. When
I pitched the idea of camping to my girlfriend, Leslie, and my husband, Ralph, they weren’t too excited.

I described Sunset Beach, our camping destination, as a bucolic coastal setting where the pine trees meet the ocean, giving us the opportunity to visit the mountains and the beach all in one trip.

“It’ll be easy too,” I told Leslie. “I’ll make up scavenger hunt lists and piñatas ahead of time to keep the kids busy while we cook. We’ll split the cooking chores which will free us up to witness and enjoy the magical memories we’re making for our children.”

I painted a picture of the perfect vacation where we would watch our six children frolicking in harmony on the beach as we sipped margaritas and painted our nails.

To ensure the perfect camping experience, I typed up extensive scavenger hunt lists that would keep our children occupied for at least an hour. I filled two cardboard boxes with penny candies and let the children decorate each of them with paint and streamers so that they could learn how to make homemade piñatas. These were just a few of the preplanning details I personally attended to so that things would run smoothly.

To further ensure our camping comfort, I researched the amenities available at the campground and found out there was electricity and hot showers.

“Great news,” I said to Leslie. “We’ll have a nice hot shower before crawling into our cozy tents each night.” She and Ralph were pleased.

“Since Ralph’s birthday is the second night we’re there, everyone will be impressed with the birthday cake and decorations,” I thought to myself.

We packed our piñatas along with the blender and enough lime juice, tequila and ice to make margaritas for a week. With six kids, three adults and a golden retriever named Ozzie, our two vans looked as if we were heading on a cross-country trip.

If the Donner party would have had a fraction of what we carried for a three-day trip, Donner Summit would be known today as Paradise Pass.

Once we arrived at our campsite I brought out a piñata to keep the kids entertained while we pitched the tents. Unfortunately, the piñata immediately fell to the ground and the dog ran off with it.

We managed to get the tents pitched and I offered to make margaritas for us to enjoy while we sent the kids on a scavenger hunt. The only electricity in the campground was in the bathroom, which meant we had to carry our blender to the head every time we wanted more margaritas.

By the time we got back to our camp, the kids had collected all 30 items on their scavenger hunt list. They did this in only five minutes thanks to the nice lady in the 200-foot, two-story motor home who had every item on their list.

Meanwhile, Ozzie had discovered the mother lode of pitch, that sappy glue-like substance that oozes from pine trees.

All six kids found the pitch about 15 seconds after the dog did.

Ozzie was covered in it and by the time the kids brought him back to camp, there were pieces of the piñata, candy wrappers and dirt stuck to the pitch that was stuck to his fur. At one point there was a pinecone hanging from him too however, I couldn’t focus on the dog because two of the kids were stuck together. Forget Superglue, just use pitch.

We soon learned that you can’t remove pitch with baby wipes. Paint thinner doesn’t work either. If your 6-year-old is covered in pitch, she’ll be wearing it to the prom a decade later. Pick out a prom dress that goes with glue.

Our children were so dirty they were beyond recognition as we drug them to the shower. We learned that hot showers were possible only with quarters. Leslie and I had three quarters between us.

Even with us throwing quarters into the hot water slot, the water was warm only until soap got into our daughters’ eyes.

I stayed with the screaming soapy-eyed girls while Leslie went on a scavenger hunt of her own for more quarters.

By the time we returned to our tents, it was so cold we had to put on every piece of clothing we had packed. Then came the wind that knocked down Leslie’s tent, which wouldn’t have been so bad had it not started raining.

The next night we surprised Ralph with a birthday carrot cake I had accidentally sat down on. The cake that once said, “Happy Birthday Ralph,” now said “Hap Bir Ra.”

We now laugh when we talk about the camping trip from hell, but these are our skewed memories. Our children don’t remember being dirty or cold.

They’ve forgotten about the wind knocking down the tent, they didn’t really mind the pitch and they don’t even remember me sitting on the birthday carrot cake. They remember making sand angels on the beach, going on a scavenger hunt and cuddling together to stay warm.

Price of a campsite at Sunset Beach—$36.

Price of a “Hap Bir Ra” cake—$20.

Price of a warm shower—$3 in quarters.

Magical summer memories for our children—priceless.


Dona Nichols teaches journalism at San Jose State University and Evergreen Valley College and does stand-up comedy on the side at the Improv in downtown San Jose. She lives in Evergreen with her husband and three children.